My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
