I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
