1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize