I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
