so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
