Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
