Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
