Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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