another moral hangover. fuck.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
