a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
