Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
