final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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