I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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