He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
