i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
