Do you still have your period?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
