we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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