ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
