The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Randomize
