6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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