So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
