His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
