went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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