Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
