Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
How's work?
Spinning.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
