Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
