You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
