The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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