The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
