she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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