Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
