im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
