I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I wish there were birth control emojis
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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