Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
