ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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