how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I need to calm my uterus...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
