Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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