speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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