I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I need a burrito and a hug.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
