You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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