i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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