wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
