Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
