my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
