I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
