she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
