Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
