ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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