if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize