But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
