i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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