hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
