we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
