I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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