New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
