Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
