No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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