The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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