I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
