My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
