How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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