You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize