Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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