we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
