He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Blood and glitter go together right?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
