I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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