worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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