I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
