Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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