I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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