Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
i out mim tonsoeep
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