he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize