im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize