How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You pole danced in your parka.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
