Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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